It's about the Journey, not the Destination.

Last week, I officially finished this book, "Journey of Desire." I had just finished up a week from vacation at home and I was on a bus back to Texas & my mind was going in many different directions. My mind was thinking of so many different things from how my break was to what was around the corner as I stepped on to Teen Mania property. 
It was 2 am and the bus came to a stop.  Sleepy eyes were squinty in the bright light as we all stumbled out of the bus in into our rooms.  I put down my luggage in front of my cubby, changed, & crawled into a bed.  I shut my eyes, but my mind did not stop racing. I had plans I had to make for the next day & people see & work to do! It wasn't until about 3:30a that I found rest & it wasn't until the Lord had to wake up me up...spiritually.  
After an hour an half of wrestling with tangled thoughts, I started to physically feel a burden on my body.  It felt weighing & gross. I couldn't lift this feeling off my chest.  I began to pray as I realized that I have been wasting away sleep & the Lord spoke to my heart. 

"Fight through surrender."

I proclaimed the name of Jesus of my worry & I immediately felt like a burden had been lifted from me. 5 minutes later, I was sound asleep. 

I feel like there are so many times that I try to carry my burdens & solve my own problems. I think that loosing a little bit more sleep, memorizing more of the Word and praying a little bit more harder will solve all my problems with my ugly sin.  That night I realized it only creates more unrest & burdens on our shoulder that we are not built to carry.

Awake, awake,
Clothe yourself in your strength, O Zion;
Clothe yourself in your beautiful garments,
O Jerusalem, the holy city;
For the uncircumcised and the unclean
Will no longer come into you.
Shake yourself from the dust, rise up,
O captive Jerusalem;
Loose yourself from the chains around your neck,
O captive daughter of Zion.
Isaiah 52:1&2


John Eldredge says it so well in this book, "We are either addicted, dead, or alive & thirsty." When I think of addiction, the first thoughts are physical addictions. Smoking. Drugs. Alcohol. People. But for me, I have been addicted to having everything all together. I didn't think I had no chains on my neck or filthy rags that I wore, I have everything under control! No worries! But it was actually quite the opposite because sometimes all I can do it worry & strategically seek answers so I feel "good."
But it's time for an awakening. An awakening to my desire.  In the book, John talks about a moment where he desired a woman who was not his wife. Immediately in his mind he said, "No! No! No! I'm a married man." But this specific moment, he noticed he had a desire and let the Holy Spirit speak Truth into the why he was feeling this way. The Lord has spoken to him about being a man in the end. 

In the midst of his sin, he found freedom. He found an awakening.

I'm really good at carrying burdens that don't belong to me. Because I like control. I like knowing where I am going. I like having a plan B. I like having a set path before me. It's comfortable. 

But it is not what I am called to do.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart,

lean not in your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

& He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5

A scripture I have had memorized since I was in elementary school because an eye opening adventure.  I have no idea what my future looks like today. I don't what August looks like for me. I don't know what curve ball with be thrown at me next. I don't know what it means practically to be a Speaker of Women. I don't know.

But I do know I serve God.

A God than cannot lie.

So when He promises that He will direct my paths, I have to trust Him. 

The book, "Journey of Desire" is for worrier.  It's for the person who doesn't care.  It's for the person who feels alone. It's for the person who feels like a mess.  It's for the one who is heart broken. It's for dead & the addicted. Because we have a desire to be alive & thirsty. To be awaken to the dust, rags & chains we wear & be given a new perspective on life. To know that this life isn't forever & see that our desires reflect something that He has in store for us. 

The Lord gives us one short life.  A life that can be awakened in the hope of an eternity of adventure. I love secrets & everyday, He gives us an opportunity to seize them daily. & I hope that you would do that same.  

The Journey of Desire

Imagine your life in a desert. You don’t know exactly where you got there, but somehow you just did.  For a little while, you were uncomfortable and knew that there was something else better than a life of dryness, but after a while you start to get used to it.  It’s kind of like when you first start to try something new.  

When I think about my life before the Honor Academy, I reflect on a life that was going through the motions. I had a scholarship in line to Tiffin University, majoring in Criminal Justice.  I was going to stay 30 minutes away from home and life comfortably.  Deep down, I had desires that were so much deeper though.  When the Lord called me to the Honor Academy, I said, “Lord, just one year & that’s it.” Well, that’s not exactly what it turned out to be and I feel like Ohio may not be exactly home anymore.  

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.”  

As I went through my undergrad year at the Honor Academy, the Lord had definitely awakened something in my heart.  I had dreams start back up in my life that I had become numb to since I was a little girl.  I felt like my life was just going to be the typical college life, meet a man, get married, have children, raise them, retire and then my children would repeat the same monotone life.  I had shut down the dreams deep in my heart because they were just what little girls dream, I couldn’t possibly achieve them as an adult.  However, Jesus tell us that you must have faith like a child to enter the Kingdom of God.  So as I continued my first and in to my second year in Texas, these longing desires deep in my heart are coming up. I desire to be a speaker of women. I desire to travel the world through short term missions and send long term missionaries. I desire to have influence. These things that I have quieted in my heart for far to long have come up and seem attainable to me.  I honestly I have no idea what the speaker of women vision had came from or how it’s going to look like exactly, but I know the Lord has called me to it.  I don’t know how financially I can afford missions trips yearly, but I know the Lord can provide.  I don’t know how I’ll be influencing people, but I know the Lord has already given me a group of people I’m influencing daily. I’m not exactly sure what the next step is for me, but I serve a good shepherd.  I grew up wanting to have all my ducks in line, but the Lord wants me to trust Him.  He wants me to be okay that I don’t know what August clearly looks like for me because He does know.  He is fighting for me daily to continually walk in the direction He is leading me down. 

The journey of desire is not walked often, but it’s much better than living life for the sake of duty.

It’s time to put desire before duty.